Postpartum OCD Survivor

*Content Warning

Anxiety…Let’s dive in.

BIPOC Mental Health Month is in full swing and today we are talking anxiety. I am a PMADs survivor which means after the birth of my first child I experienced symptoms that I now know as Postpartum OCD. This involves intrusive thoughts like feeling as if I might harm my baby. I hid knives and would not go near scissors. It was like terrible having these thoughts and feeling like I could not tell anyone because they would take my baby away. I was in a foreign country after the birth of my first baby and postpartum care was limited. I finally got up the nerve to see an online therapist who would see me from the US in spite of the time difference. I remember crying the first two or three sessions with my therapist. But it was necessary. I didn’t like what I was hearing. I felt like I had been running from having a flaw for so long. How did a weakness finally catch up to me? Needless to say, laying down my sword to fighting imperfection led me on a healing journey. As I continued my studies and additional training in perinatal mental health, I found out that the intrusive thoughts I had were more common than I thought. I was not a horrible mother or person. I also learned that many of us have thoughts that pop up in our heads and we can use several different coping skills to alleviate those thoughts.

Let me just say, if I knew then what I know now, I would have likely been able to find relief a lot faster. I think it is important for more Black women to speak out on mental health issues because the stigma is still out there. We feel it would be unsafe to speak out. I have this feeling now as I write this blog post. But if the message can get more Black people, more indigenous people, more Trans people, more people with different abilities to seek out therapy, then this moment of vulnerability was completely worth it.  

Thanks for reading,

Reketta