Bye Bye Mom Guilt
It’s still Maternal Mental Health Month and I have been looking at new ways to approach the theme in a blog post. One thing that stands out to me is that dreaded “Mom Guilt”. You know the feeling that you are not playing with your child(ren) enough or that Mcdonald’s for the second night this week is going to eventually lead to an adult child questioning if you loved her enough. Yeah, that Mom Guilt. And mom guilt is brought to you by that pesky term, Imposter Syndrome. To me, mom guilt being under the umbrella of Imposter Syndrome makes a lot of sense. I mean according to Dr. Emee Vida Estacio the very definition of imposter syndrome is the feeling of self-doubt, incompetence, and inadequacy. How many of us have doubted our ability to parent at least once an hour? Twice an hour if it is a holiday.
So I have Mom Guilt, how do I get rid of it?
I’m still not certain if we will be able to get rid of Mom Guilt in its totality. We all have moments where we doubt our abilities. But it is the power to move forward in spite of fear and self-doubt that can provide us with a higher level of satisfaction. I’ll add knowing your energy levels is also important. Trust your tank. If you are running on empty, it may not be the time to host a pizza party for 13 six year olds. It may be a time to host a more low key setting.
Trusting your energy levels can lead to wonderful things. This could mean spending less time operating from a place of fear or self doubt, and more time operating in a sense of power. This sense of power comes from knowing who you are and where you want to be. Let’s say you are an introvert and you may not like the ideal of playdates. Just typing out this blog post I am thinking of the birthday parties, field trips, and any other events that calls for me to be around other children and their parents. I think it is the small talk that I know is coming. Or the way we as parents try to out do another child’s party by spending more or having more complex party activities (Let me tell you, a store bought cake is so 1990s). Anyway, back to the topic. Knowing that my energy levels tank at parties and playdates, I try to compromise and meet the obligatory socialization where I am at. This looks like having playdates at the park, where I can enjoy the lovely sunshine and fresh air AND scoop my kids up and go home. I love the opportunity to hike with other moms while my kids socialize. I like this activity because I can still part ways and head to the sanctuary of my home when I feel my energy levels are running low. Interested in hiking with other moms/ Check out the organization Hike It Baby, https://hikeitbaby.com/ This organization has local groups where parents and children go on planned hike dates for free.
In addition to listening to my body and trusting myself to chuck deuces when the time to reset is upon me, I look towards what my ultimate purpose with the children I have been tasked to guide. I would like to be intentional in guiding future global citizens. The work of parenting is more about me than it is about my children. Why? Because being responsible for a human life is no easy task. It means being intentional with our words and actions and eventually disrupting the narrative of intergenerational trauma. Being intentional with my purpose forces me to slow down and just be. Just be mom. Just be Reketta. Just be human. My kids need to see all sides of me and when I am wrong, I acknowledge it. Hold myself accountable and apologize as needed. Just last week my daughter told me I cut her off the other night when she wanted something from me an hour past her bed time and I hurried her off to bed. When I came into her room for my nightly check in (her daily request) she made sure to tell me I hurt her feelings. I apologized and moved on with the routine to saying goodnight. That interaction made me feel good. I am guiding a child who knows she can tell me how she is feeling and I felt intentional enough to just apologize. I was wrong. I made a mistake and I do not hesitate to say I am not perfect. The work comes in the repair. The apology and the intentional acts of love is me acting to fulfill my purpose. I did not bring in self-doubt, in fact the opposite took place. I thought, “WOW. I am a FREAKING GOOD MOM!” and then I took my tired self to bed. Nothing special happened, no hand claps or fireworks. But what DID happen was I left Mom Guilt in the dust. That is one small win for Reketta and one giant leap towards liberation of self-doubt for all.
As we enter in to week 3 of Maternal Mental Health Awareness Month and Mental Health Awareness Month, I invite you to listen to your energy levels and say, “No!” I also invite you to find your purpose in the task of parenthood and live with intention.
Thanks for reading,
Reketta
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